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Friday, August 21, 2009

A Baby Story

You may recall that a couple of months ago I blogged about my conflicting emotions of starting a family anytime soon. It is true that the idea of having a baby has come up a few times in the last couple of years and Trev and I flirted with the possibility - but always decided that it wasn't something we were ready for quite yet. For a couple of reasons:

1 - Just before we were married I was told that it would be really difficult for me to get pregnant because I have a "disoriented uterus." Don't you love that term? Makes it sound like my uterus was bonked on the head and has a concussion and is absently wandering around in my body. While the doctor at that time told me I could probably carry a baby if I were to get pregnant she indicated that it may take an in-vitro process to make that happen. As an odd side note - my mom was told that she would likely never have children and my little sister was told it would be really difficult for her to have a child as well. So - I guess we are just weird or something.

2 - We just weren't ready yet. Trev is still doing the school thing, I am getting ready to do the back-to-phd-school thing and, as selfish as it sounds, there were simply other things we still wanted to do.

So our last big conversation resulted in both of us deciding that right now we were content to live this life that we love just the two of us. Then about seven weeks ago I woke up at 3:30 AM and threw up. And I kept throwing up for the following days. After about five days Stacey took me to the store and I bought the infamous "test."

It would be a lie to say that I was thrilled at the result. To be honest, I had a little bit of a break-down. I cried. I know that probably sounds awful to some of you. I know how lucky I am to have this baby when so many incredible people have complications in this department. But - right or wrong - it was how I reacted. It caught me by surprise and I was totally overwhelmed. It was an odd emotional expereince. What was most interesting to me was how immediately protective I became. I remember thinking, "I know I don't really want this rightn ow, but please don't let anything happen to make it go away." It is an odd emotion. I read once that a mother's love is immeidate and instictual. That is the best way I can think to describe how I felt.

Becuase I was still not quite ok with the fact that I was now pregnant it was important to me that Trev not see me that way. Isn't it always supposed to be the guy who freaks at the news? :) I left early and went to work. Trev told me later that when he came home and I wasn't there he just knew.

My husband is amazing. And he is such a good balance for me. Each time life throws us a loop he lets me melt down and then is there to tell me it is all going to be ok. By the time I came home from work he was cooking dinner and had bought flowers for me. He is wonderful. Even though Trev already knew he let me tell him. And when I started to ramble he held me an told me how wonderful it was and how excited he was. And how even though we we had recently decided against this, it was just the universe's way of telling us we made the wrong choice. He talked about how I was going to be a great mom and how we could do this. I love him. His acceptance and excitement helped me so much. It still took me a few days to wrap my mind around the situation and to get excited for myself, but for those few days I could hold onto his excitment and it made it all ok.

We have been to the doctor twice now. At our last appointment we were actually able to see the little thing. It was cruising all over and waving its arms and legs. It is such a strange sensation to know there is another body within your body, to know that there are two hearts beating under your skin. We are due March 15, 2010. That puts me at 11 weeks on Sunday. I know things could still change - but if something does happen I figure I would need all of your support anyway - so we are letting the cat out of the bag.

So far things have been ok. I have been sick, sick, sick. It is odd that ever since I found out at 5 weeks I haven't been able to even eat sugar or anything sweet. It seems all my body wants is fruit and vegetables. I can't even eat NERDS - and those who know me well - know how serious that is. So I am hoping it is a sign that our kid will be a total health nut.

Oh - and for those of you so eagerly looking forward to the result of the gender ultrasound I am sorry to dissapoint you. We are not going to find out the sex of the baby til it's born. So think gender nuetral. I know, I know, we are crazy. Trev has never wanted to find out, and to be honest, I am still just processing "baby". All I really care about is that it is healthy.

There you have it folks - all the details. How crazy is this?


Erin and Ty said...

I was hoping you would re-tell the conception story... Hahaha, just kidding. And, like I already told you, don't beat yourself up too bad about not being thrilled when you found out. I cried for a few days straight when I found out, took 3 tests just to be sure, and pretty much cried on and off through my whole pregnancy. We are very alike, I was having those same emotions you are. But, now we have our perfect little Eden, and couldn't imagine life with out her. Everything will be ok! And what an extra special surprise it will be when the day comes to deliver! (I hope its a girl:))

Shalee said...

Thanks for sharing the details. Its so great to be in the craziness of parenthood with someone wonderful. I hope things keep going well and that you start feeling a little less icky.

The Karrens said...

My husband didn't believe me both times we got pregnant. He kept saying, "how could this happen?" He was in shock for quite awhile. I hope the pregnancy goes well and if you are ever up in Idaho I would love to get together. We are moving back in a couple of weeks.

Ang said...

I cried too! (and screamed actually!) And for a long time, I resented being pregnant and didn't really take time to enjoy it. So, just try to enjoy it. It is totally worth it!

Josh and Lyndi Smith said...

We planned on having Gemma and I still felt...well-strange, out of body and like it wasn't really happening for a while. I think that is why you are pregnant for nine months. God is way too smart and knows we all need time to work into the idea of being a parent... and then your baby is born and sleeps 19 hours a day so you can work into actually being a parent..

BTW I totally had the health food cravings! Take advantage of August- gotta love the fresh produce. I single-handedly funded the Logan farmer's market last year and I am pretty sure I helped Old Grist Mill through the economic are growing a human that is swimming around in a pool of water. Might dissolve if it was made of sugar? Love you Chels. Wish we lived closer.

Ashley said...

i'm glad you are ok with everything, i know its a super scary thing but i also feel like everything works out and happens for a reason. yo will be a fantastic mommy. if you need anything please let me know. feel better.

Jodee said...

You are not alone in feeling totally scared! You and Trev will be great parents. I hope you get feeling better! Congrats!

Devri said...

So much of what you said reflects my own thoughts. Although we felt very strongly that we should start our family right away, we were both hoping it would take at least a couple of months. We found out I was pregnant on our one month anniversary. We were both a little bummed, but didn't want anything to happen to our little one. It's been a roller coaster of emotions so far. I was sick a lot, and I beat myself up over it. I wasn't able to find a job like we planned. But, we wouldn't trade it for anything. It gets even more exciting as time goes on. I think that it is a good thing that we have 8 months to get used to the idea. I'm so excited for you! Hopefully in a month or two, you won't feel so sick. Good luck!

Nate and Jamie said...

I'm sorry you're so sick I hope it doesn't last too long. I am so excited that you aren't finding out if it is a boy or girl.. it's so fun that way! :) Congrats again!!

panini said...

love this

The Sanders said...

Congratulations! I have to tell you that when we found out we were pregnant with our first I had the exact same reaction. It's a scary thing but I know you and Trevor will be awesome parents!

The Dutsons said...

We just heard and are so excited for you guys! I remember when I had to take the infamous test knowing there was no way I could handle a baby yet, and even crying when I tested positive. Over a year later and I don't know how I ever lived without my little guy and you will be the same. Trevor is absolutely right, you will be a great mom! Congratulations to both of you and let us know how everything goes!