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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Always good to have a little reminder

of how much I like my husband.

He is my very best friend - even though I am a hard friend to have sometimes. Really, I don't think anyone else in the entire world could be married to me. And I can't imagine my life with anybody else.

He left for Scout Camp at 6:00 AM this morning, and it already feels like he has been gone a million years. I'm lonely. Not sad-lonely, just quietly and reflectively lonely. Ivie is sound asleep and I should go to bed too, but I find myself wandering around the house looking for one more thing to do because a king sized bed is just too empty when there is no one in it to breathe on the back of your neck.

Which he does - and which I hate...but miss tonight.

It would be impossible to list the reasons that I love Trevor. Or to discuss all the reasons that I would be so sad to live a life without him.I would be lying if I said that every day was perfect - he and I both are strong personalities, extremely verbal and we both think that we are right most of the time. My dear friend's mother, who is a marriage counselor, told me once that Trevor and I probably picked each other out in the life before this one, because we could recognize the qualities the other had that we needed, and as much as we might intensely clash against one another at times, when we are in sync it would be even more intense and powerful. I think about those words sometimes and I think that is why it feels like home when I am next to him, no matter where we are.And I am so lucky that I ended up with him - because he is vastly different from the other boys I dated. Always more attracted to the stereotypical, sort-of-lousy bad boy type, I was just friends with Trev long before we dated. And for any girl like me out there who might also be silly enough to think that fast-talking, fast-moving boys with cool cars are where it is at let me tell you that they are not really what you want.

What you want is a man who calls you beautiful instead of hot. You want someone who calls you back when you hang up on him. You want someone who will kiss your forehead the first time he kisses you. You want someone who will tell you to wear less make-up. You want someone who describes you to his friends as "fun" and "smart" instead of "sexy."

Because that is the kind of man who will hold you when you are having a nervous breakdown. Who will buy you rock-climbing gear and teach you how to do it, because he wants you to come along with all "the boys." The kind of man who will move somewhere he can't get a job he wants for your career, and then will go everyday to a job he has to go to, so you can stay home with your little girl. He is the kind of man that can walk into any restaurant and order for you (tomatoes on the side and all) because he pays attention to what you like. He is the kind of man that walks closest to the street when you go for a walk in the evening. He is the kind of man who will breathe on your neck in the middle of the night, and when you tell him you hate it will pull the sheet between his mouth and your skin so he doesn't have to stop holding you. He is the kind of man that when your cousin asks him "why he wants to marry you?" for a bridal shower game will answer, "because she is my best friend." He is the kind of man who may be rarely mushy, and may seldom say "I love you," but shows you that he does every single day in a million little ways.

I don't pretend to know everything there is about love. Nor do I pretend to know what love means for everyone. I only know what it is for me. And for me love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with them more than any other person in the world. And love is trusting them enough to let them know everything about yourself, including the things that you are most ashamed of, and still knowing that they will walk through the front door at the end of the day. It is feeling so comfortable and low-key with someone, but still having your heart flutter when you are in a crowded room and he puts his hand on your lower back to introduce you to someone.

It is real. It is messy. It is intense. And it is oh-so wonderful.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A very FIRST

Giggle.

My darling little girl looked up at me today, (while she was supposed to be eating - even though she wasn't really hungry- and I was stressing about getting out of the house on time because I was waiting for her to eat so I could take her to the babysitter where she hopefully wouldn't get hungry in the hour and a half I was at exercise class) grinned, her eyes sparkled and then she let out the biggest and very first giggle!

Pretty sure something inside of me melted.

And suddenly I didn't really care about the babysitter, or the class or the clock. I just held her and smiled and talked back to her and listened while she giggled over and over and over again.
This is us hiking to Ripple Arch last Saturday.

Friday, June 11, 2010

A Rockin' Day!

Remember last August when I wrote this post explaining how nervous I was about the life changes a baby would bring?

Several wonderful friends left comments and made phone calls reassuring me it would all be okay. I will never forget a friend's advice who said, "Your baby will learn to love your life. it will love the outdoors because you love the outdoors. It will love hiking because you love hiking. Babies learn to live our lives really well, your life isn't over - you just get to share it now with this new person." Lovely advice.
And today, since Ivie turned 3 months old, I figured it was time for her to get outside and eat some dirt. Ok - not really eat some dirt, but I have been keeping her in all the time, and it was a big deal for me to let her hang out for several hours outside today. It was a beautiful evening, about 87 degrees, slightly overcast and just perfect for rock climbing.And that is exactly what we did. We went with our good friends, the Atkins. And had a blast! It was Ivie's first rock climbing trip and she was perfect. She hung out in her baby tent all the time. ***For anyone with a little guy/gal like us who loves the outdoors, this TENT is awesome. Seriously, it is one of my favorite things. Order one now.*** She was so happy in there with a little rattle (If you put a rattle in her hand these days she holds it in a death grip and waves it all around). She stretched and kicked and cooed and then fell right asleep.
Chelsea A. and I kissing the chains when we reach the top of the climb!
We really enjoyed climbing. I haven't been in ages, and was proud of myself for getting up two different climbs. But boy are my arms TIRED tonight.

Ripsi also loved running around like a maniac and chasing lizards.
We stayed out for four and a half hours, then we came home, put the baby to bed, built a little fire in the backyard and roasted marshmallows.

It was lovely. An absolutely perfect day with my perfect family and perfect friends. Thanks so much Atkins!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Colossians 3:13-14

Some years ago I underlined these verses in my Bible with a fabulously sparkley purple gel pen (which makes me think it must have been high school).

Forgiveness. Something that doesn't come easily to me. When I am hurt I tend to just totally check out of a situation and just choose to stay hurt. Especially if the perceived injury comes from someone I really love or trusted or felt close to. Not one of my better qualities.

Especially when you consider that the definition for the word forgive according to good old Mr. Webster means to "let go of all resentment towards." Under that entry there could easily be this one: "See opposite of Chelsi Linderman's tactic."

I have always thought that I hold to the old adage, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Trouble is, that I don't balance that out well with still forgiving others.

My mother gave this example, "If someone comes to you and asks to borrow $100.00 and they never pay you back, then they come and ask you again to borrow $100.00, you can forgive them their debt, but you don't need to loan them $100.00 again." Seems easy to understand right? For me it isn't always.

Right now I am going through some stuff. The details don't matter, and even if they did, this isn't the forum for them. And, once again, I find myself struggling to let go,wondering how much I really do let go without opening myself up to being taken advantage of again?

So, all my blog readers, I am calling in a favor. Many of you are some of the best, most Christ-like people I know. Help me. I am looking for recommendations on things to read and study, cleansing meditation tips, anything.

I heard somewhere once that "Resenting someone is allowing them to live rent-free in your head." And I have some prime-mind property being taken up by exactly that right now. I have a totally obsessive personality, sometimes a hugely productive and beneficial thing - other times, like now, one of the worst tools in my self-destruct kit.

Enlighten me?