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Wednesday, February 13, 2013

103 things to do....

I want to blog about so many things.

Problem is that blogging somehow makes it to the bottom of a list that never seems to get entirely checked off.

It's normal to feel overwhelmed every now and then, right?

Bigger problem is that when I start to feel overwhelmed I almost immediately then get the urge to do absolutely nothing - I think my mind and body go into a state of overwhelmed-ness shock and then all I want to do is crawl into bed and watch Gilmore Girls or The West Wing.

I have an obnoxious habit of creating both real and imaginary deadlines. For example, real deadlines = written work that my clients expect by 9:00 am every morning- most of which is work I do not want to do.
Imaginary deadlines = I have to clean the kitchen by 2:00 pm today. I'm not sure why 2:00's not like the health department is on their way to shut us down - though maybe they should consider it.

So June 18 is a mere 125 days away. If we make it to June 18. Trevor keeps pointing out to me that June 18 is the perfect storm of both my real and imaginary deadlines colliding, because whether I am ready or not this little boy is going to show up sometime in June (we have due date discrepancy every time we do an ultrasound and measure the kid, so I'm sticking with June 18 because somehow more time makes me feel better right now). Baby boy is a real (albeit unknown) deadline. The imaginary part of this deadline comes in the approximately 100  1000 things I want to have finished before then. Things I worry about

If you know me, you know I can be obsessive.

And even though I know a few people will leave comments like, "It's ok, don't be overwhelmed." I'm still going to feel overwhelmed.

I just really wish I could have a day where my to-do list all got done. I miss that feeling from days when life was simpler. I also wish I had a support staff - a bunch of people to order around to do the things that I've got to get done so I could do some of the things I actually want to do.

Factor in being pregnant on top of it, and the difficulty in struggling to accept the limitations that come with that (feeling exhausted all the time) and I just finish most days feeling unsatisfied with what I have been able to accomplish.

This might be because I have some seriously huge goals to accomplish right now, and am staring down that imaginary June deadline.

  • Sort and organize everything in the house. I know this sounds extreme, but it has to get done. I am trying desperately to de-junk and organize many of the areas in our house that always get categorized as "i'm going to get to that someday..."
    • Successes thus far:
      • playroom is sorted and organized - LOVE IT. I need to take pics for you.
      • Baby clothes of days past sorted, organized and labeled.
      • Sewing basket organized (this was a ridiculous disaster)
      • Just organized all of the bathroom cupboards today (threw away so much stuff - it felt sooo good - and started trying to create some kind of system for Ivie's hair stuff. Her hair accessories are out of control. 
  • Sewing: I have to finish baby brother's blanket, my sister-in-laws pillows, a new quilt for Ivie and the new chevron shower curtain I want to make. I HAVE to do these things because I also would really like to makeover our master bedroom, including piecing a small quilt/throw thing to lay over our duvet.  It has taken me six years to settle on what I want to do in our bedroom and I finally have it, but can't start it til all this other sewing crap gets done. 
    • Successes thus far:
      • Finished this cute advent calendar for next Christmas - I know I'm not going to sew much after June and what I do work on will  probably be Christmas presents for other people, so I had to do this now if ever (PLUS I got the materials and kit for this for a whopping $3.00 on an after Christmas clearance in January.) The little squares are actually little pockets for putting things in. I thought about already stocking it with  24 different Christmas-related activities to do for next year, then realized I would just be working waaaayyyy ahead of my insane to do lists if I booked December 2013 with sugar cookie and card-making promises. 
  • Ten or so home decor projects on Pinterest that I should be able to make. Should. 
    • Successes
      • successfully pinning them counts, right? ha. 
  • Work with Ivie on letter recognition and speech patterns. m
    • Successes
      • She can sing the ABC's - but doesn't recognize any letters yet, though she seems to get that words are a thing for reading. 
        • I need advice/help here. How did you teach your kids to recognize letters? Also - how do you help with speech? I'm not sure how much of Ivie's pronunciation on certain sounds is still a baby voice, and how much to worry about speech yet...? ADVICE?
I didn't really start this blog post with the intention to vent - but I feel a little better now that I have. I know I'm not alone. It is just frustrating to always wish you could do more, be more. I don't know how to turn that negative inner voice completely off that keeps pushing me to run faster than I can. 

There is actually a line in my patriarchal blessing that says, "I bless you with the abilities that you need to accomplish everything that you need to accomplish. Be faithful as you do this. I encourage you to not run faster than you are able, but to accomplish all things in due time." I remember leaving the patriarch's office and my dad telling me that was his favorite line from my entire blessing. 


To end on a randomly more positive note. A few things that have been going on. 

Ripsi got a massive hole in her leg on one of our walks (when we are out in the boonies I let her run off leash and she must have caught herself on some rock or stick.  We tried to keep it clean, but stinker wouldn't quit licking it, so now she has to wear the cone of shame. Everyone but Ripsi thinks this is funny.

22 weeks pregnant (Beth this pic is for you!)....which is exciting, but also just means we move that much closer to June. 


Kylie said...

Sometimes I think we're twins. Landon almost went crazy when I was pregnant with all the projects I HAD to get done ahead of my due date, including organizing our entire pantry, taking 6 large black trash bags to DI, and fabricating a nursery out of thin air on zero budget. And I struggle daily with the reality that I will just never have time to be that mom - who does mommy school, works, has an immaculate house, makes millions of beautiful projects, exercises, etc. Sigh. Right now I'm focused on the quiet book that WILL be done before Easter...haha, call me if I can lend a hand with anything!

Di said...

Your to-do list leaves me in awe. Also I can guaran-damn-tee that your kitchen has never even been CLOSE to being bad enough to be shut down for healthcode violations.

Roger and Laurene said...

You're growing a baby Linderman. And he's a BOY. Put that on your list and check it. :)

Princess Tinybutt said...

what a sweet blog.

i feel like you've been in MY head for the last month! i feel and am the same way on so many levels... minus the preggers. funny because i almost blogged about all this today but decided to blab on about my dear hubby instead.

i once was an anal organizing titan, a master really. i could get everything done, and checked off. but now? HA!

at 45 i now realize its just life. so i'm trying hard to just breathe thru it.

my litle one is now 10, but have TONS of nephews and nieces. as for the letters and speech... i'm not sure how old baby girl is, but she looks to be about 2-3 in the pic with ripsi. my advice, since u asked, is to just keep working with her, but with no stress nor expectations. trust me when i say that she's taking it all in and one day it will click for her. now, if she's 6-7 and there are still issues, or your gut says so sooner, then follow it! i'm a big believer in trusting your instinct.

ask me if all the handmade (i made) valentines day cards made it to the mailbox? there's always easter...

i'll stop by more often.

be well

ang :)

Beth Willmore said...

Yay thanks for the belly bump pic - you look beautiful of course!

I was laughing my head off about your health department comment with your kitchen, I could say the same about our upstairs bathrooms right now. Yikes! (Oh but wait, instead of cleaning them I'm blogging instead. Go me!)

The sad thing about the organization "getting things done" mindset is that the men don't get it. Jared used to tell me, "Don't worry about it, it doesn't HAVE to get done." It made me want to punch him in the junk. Oh wait - sometimes I did! :)

Good luck with your list and I can't wait to see some of the finished products - especially the chevron shower curtain!

Surrendor said...

Your style of writing is incredibly entertaining, I enjoyed it thoroughly! More updates please!!

pheonix said...

I liked reading your checklist. I am a big fan of checklists. I love having goals and deadlines and getting things done.
I think that a checklist should be about both long term and short term goals. So I hope your checklist does both set you up for long term and short terms success.

Devri said...

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one that feels that way. One day last week, I made a reasonable to-do list for myself and said that when I finished, I could do something fun for me. I worked so hard, because I REALLY wanted to play. And then 5 hit and I had two things still not crossed off. And Brian came home and that was that.

You are amazing, and it is okay if life gets to you sometime. We should start a support group called Moms Anonymous or something, and our opening pledge or creed would say, "I am not supermom, and that's okay."