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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

14 points

After religiously watching Trev's diet the past couple days and making the poor man drink a thick green smoothie every time he turned around, Trev's blood work results came back in today with a gain of 14 points on the platelet count. Hooray! 122 is still low, but not so low that it will preclude him from the 5 day chemo schedule yet.

We did it!

I'm sure that the positive climb in numbers is due to all the kale, prayers, greens and good vibes. We plan to keep it coming on all counts as Trev will start his second round of chemo tomorrow night.

Plus--to pull us through this next round of chemo we have a pretty fantastic Spring Break to look forward to. But more on that later, for now I'm going to make up another green smoothie and bake a batch of kale chips.

A little miracle...

I was talking with a dear friend on the phone the other day. This gal knows me inside and out and our brains click the same way, so only Brynn could ask, "So, how are you really? I know your blog and FB posts are perky and positive and blah, blah, blah. Are you really there, or are you telling yourself you are there?"

The truth is that the answer is a little bit of both. I do truly believe that being happy is the most helpful way to be. And, really, when I look at Trevor, the one actually going through the brunt of this thing, who is so positive, and so forgiving and so long-suffering, it makes it seem absolutely ridiculous to for me to have any melting down moments.

But I had a few of those moments on Sunday...okay, maybe like an entire day of those moments.

I woke up from an intense nightmare and it just set the tone for a long, hard, grouchy 24 hours. Of course, because I was irritable, the kids were irritating; because I was stressed, everyone was stressful. Sometimes I forget just how crucial my role is in setting the daily, momentary and even eternal tone in our family.

So we all went to bed early and I vowed Monday would be better.

Monday also marked the beginning of our dietary switch. We really eat pretty healthy to begin with--I'm particular about buying meat from local farmers, and as much locally grown produce as possible. Most of the preserved fruits and veggies we eat are things myself or my family has put up. BUT we really like milk, butter, bread and the big S--sugar.

So thinking about everything being completely non-processed and sugar free was still a little overwhelming.

As I stood in front of my fridge just before lunch time trying to think of what I could possibly throw together that Trev could eat, but that the kids would still eat I began to feel a little frustration creeping back in.

Then the door bell rang.

When you grow up in the country no one ever just drops by without calling first. Houses are simply too far apart. However, I am slowly learning that this is entirely normal when you live in town and maybe one of these days I will see the the value in getting myself and my kiddos dressed and put together before noon. However, that day wasn't Monday, so I slunk over to my door in my grungy clothes with my crazy hair as my kids continued to run and crawl all over the front room in their jammies. When I opened the door there was a simply beautiful lady there.

The little jammy clad monkey
The big pajama clad monkey
She introduced herself as a member of our Pleasant Grove ward, and said she'd heard about our dietary change and in her arms she held a beautiful bag with all the ingredients (already measured out and everything) for what she said was one of her family's Paleo meals. She was gracious and kind and smart and funny and an absolute miracle.

It seems like a small thing, but through that visit I felt so much human and divine love and support. It was a humbling moment, as if my Heavenly Father was just gently reminding me that he sees me and hears the prayers and the cries of my heart.

And the reminder didn't stop there...

In fact, another beautiful set of neighbors unexpectedly brought by dinner--and everything in it passed our dietary test, then another couple stopped by with strawberry shortcake--which Trev couldn't eat but the kids and I cheated with while he enjoyed just some plain berries.

I wish I could say that I will always smile my way through this trial that my husband faces. I wish I could always handle with grace the burden of watching the man I love with all of my heart hurt and ache and know that I am entirely unable to make this thing go away or help him. But on those dark days I need to remember that my testimony of faith and human goodness isn't centered and sustained only when things are going perfectly in my life. My testimony lives in the love of the Lord and the love of my neighbors--and what an incredible blessing, a miracle even, for my family to walk in that love daily.